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summary: Ian and Anthony babysit a dog.
genre: idk it's light-hearted
rated: PG? they only say 'fuck' like twice so not bad
A/N: I wrote this in January and abandoned it when I couldn't think of an ending, but I felt bad at how empty the comm is so I finished it, enjoy.

Anthony wasn't thinking about a lot that evening, coming back from working hard at Smosh. He was absentmindedly listening to the hum of the heaters in his car, necessary in the chilly weather. He thought a bit of the food he would eat when he got home, as he was a bit peckish, and he thought slightly of the soft sounds coming from the radio. He wasn't thinking about what would happen when he got home, nor was he preparing himself for it, because Ian hadn't told him what he was in store for.

He pulled into the garage, just as he usually did, then got out of his car, feeling relieved that the long day was finally over. He could spend the next few hours relaxing with his friend, and doing nothing else.

As he stepped towards the door, however, Ian suddenly opened it, hopped into the garage, and closed it, a nervous look on his face.

"Hey, Anthony." He said awkwardly, and Anthony gave him a look of confusion.

"What are you doing?" He furrowed his brows slightly, and Ian gave a breathy laugh.

"Just hangin' out with my best friend, of course!" He smiled, then looked concerned. "Have I mentioned how great of a friend you are lately?"

"What did you do?" Anthony asked him, actually a little alarmed. "Is there a body we need to bury?"

"No, no, everything's fine. I-" But Ian was interrupted by a deep and booming bark from inside the house.

"What was that?" Anthony took a step forward, raising his eyebrows. "Was that a dog?"

"Don't get mad." Ian muttered, staring down at the floor. Another bark sounded, and Anthony could only think that it sounded like a very, very big dog.

Ian opened the door with a sigh, and walked in begrudgingly. Anthony followed, half expecting to be mauled, but when he heard Ian tell something to 'sit' and 'stay' he peered over his friend's shoulder, and his fear was replaced with annoyance. It was a black labrador, probably 80 pounds, with a giant block head, huge paws, and a thick tail. The beast was panting and staring at Anthony with dark brown eyes, seemingly entertained by the situation.

"Dude." Anthony said aloud at long last. "You know I don't like dogs. Did you buy it?"

"Not it, him. His name's Wade, and my aunt asked me to dogsit a little bit while she's in Cancun." Ian leaned over and scratched the dog's ear, which was nearly the size of his hand.

"And how long is 'a little bit?'" Anthony demanded, his level of annoyance rising.

"Um...a month." Ian looked away from him guiltily.

"A month? Seriously Ian? You want us to shelter Sasquatch for a month?" Anthony yelled, and Wade licked his nose and crooked his head in curiosity.

"He's not that big." Ian defended him, though it was obviously not the greatest defense.

"Not that big? Ian, you brought home Bigfoot!" Anthony ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "You want me to live with this for a month?"

"Where was he supposed to go, Ant?" Ian raised his voice slightly. "He had nowhere else to go, did you want her to put him in one of those kennels?"

"No, Ian, but Jesus, you could've warned me!"

"You would've come home with a shotgun and a shovel, you fucking hate dogs!" Ian yelled that one especially loudly, causing Anthony to step back in shock and for Wade to stand up and bark.

“Okay, okay. Let’s just calm down.” He sighed. “You’re taking care of him. I’m not dealing with him. At all.”

“Of course.” Ian nodded professionally, and then grinned. “But really, Ant, what’s the worst he could do?”


After five days with Wade, Anthony had found it painfully amusing that he’d put a list on the fridge of everything he’d chewed up thus far. The list included two toys, a few envelopes of fan mail, three water bottles, one shoe, four socks, the leg of a tripod and a piece of pizza Anthony left on the counter for a moment. Ian spent much more time than usual nervously apologizing. Anthony spent way more time avoiding giant, lumbering slob machines.


The crew mainly consisted of burly men with beards or tattoos, so it seemed fitting that they all took to Wade; a lot of time that could’ve been spent filming was instead dedicated to bear hugging the lab and throwing tennis balls. Anthony tried to hide his annoyance at this, but he did like that they tired out the dog so much he would only chew up half what he usually did.


They were filming lunchtime, eating Chinese and finding Twitter questions. Anthony commanded Ian to put the dog out when he wouldn’t stop begging for scraps, and he was given ten wonderful minutes of freedom before casually looking over at the glass door.

“Fucking- Ian, look what your dog did!” Anthony pointed, and Ian started laughing. The dog was standing at the door with the remains of a large bush hanging from his mouth.

“I’ll put it on the list” Ian walked over to the refrigerator, and the dog set down the bush, looking proud of himself. Anthony was almost tempted to laugh.


“Jesus Christ.” Anthony muttered to himself, walking in the door, groceries in hand, then called out. “Ian, what is that smell?”

“Bathing Wade.” Ian called back from the bathroom. “He rolled in the mud.”

“Worst dog ever.” Anthony replied, throwing the groceries onto the counter. He started taking them out of the plastic bags when he heard the clacking of paws on tile. Wade ran out of the bathroom, tousled and towel-dried but still damp.

“Go away, you smelly bitch.” Anthony said to him, and the dog cocked his head.

“You’re really hurting his feelings.” Ian said, flicking him with water as he walked to the door. “Go out to dry, puppy.”

“He’s probably just gonna get all muddy again.” Anthony said, putting the milk away. “Or tear out another bush.”

“He already did that.” Ian said, and for the first time it sounded as though his patience for the animal was wearing thin. “Didn’t you check the list?”

“Great. Just great.” He checked the list, then groaned. “Molding? Like, our house? He’s eating our house?”

“My aunt’s coming back in two weeks, man, you’ll get through it.” Ian sighed, and Anthony paused with concern.

“Will you?” He asked, and Ian shrugged.

“I’m gonna clean the bathroom. There’s a lot of dog hair around.” He grimaced.

“Okay.” Anthony said as Ian walked away. “But cheer up! Don’t make me hug you!”

“I don’t want your hug!” Ian said with a smile.


Ian was out with a friend, and Anthony was alone, sitting on the couch watching television. He looked over to see Wade lying on the ground a few feet away, looking at him with a seemingly bored expression. The dog yawned, and it caught on to him, causing him to yawn as well.

“Stop that.” He said, stretching. The dog stretched as well, thrusting his paws in front of him and making a Chewbacca-esque noise. He looked up at Anthony with deep brown eyes, offsetting his black fur in an oddly nice sort of way.

“Stop that.” He said again, forcing back a smile. “Don’t be cute, I’ll have to pet you.”

He didn’t understand what Anthony was saying, but wagged his massive tail, causing Anthony to groan.

“Get over here.” Anthony beckoned, and the dog got up lazily and trotted over. Anthony patted his head and rubbed his ears, and Wade rested his chin on his knee. He wouldn’t admit to actually enjoying this.

“Well, well, well.” Ian said, and Anthony jumped at the abrupt sound. Wade barked and ran to jump on Ian, who just smirked. “Someone actually likes the dog, don’t they?”

“No.” Anthony replied defensively. “I just was petting him for a second. He was bothering me.”

“Sure.” Ian raised an eyebrow. “That’s totally what happened.”

“Yes. But without the sarcasm.” Anthony blushed.

“Okay.” Ian said sarcastically, and walked off, Wade trailing behind him. Anthony smiled a little, then bit it back, regaining his composure.


After getting out of the shower, changing, and drying his messy, slightly curly hair, Anthony walked into the kitchen to grab some water, noticing another shoe was added to the list.

“Predator?” Ian asked, and Anthony turned to see a familiar monster on the television screen.

“Hell yes.” He replied, leaving his water and sitting next to him. They were close, with Anthony’s arm slung over Ian’s shoulder, creating a cozy feeling of contentedness that battled the cold, dreary weather outside.

Wade walked in after a moment, looked over at the two, and jumped on the sofa beside Anthony, curling up and placing his head in his lap.

“Get off the couch.” Anthony muttered, resting his palm on his head.

“You like him.” Ian whispered, resting his head on Anthony’s shoulder. “We’re like a cute little family.”

“We are.” Anthony mused, and sighed contentedly.


Ian’s aunt was kind and thankful, and they both coddled Wade with the response of affectionate licks before she drove off with him. It was bittersweet, but at least they didn’t have to add to the 36 items on the list of all things chewed.

“Hey, Ian?” Anthony asked as they stood in the driveway, the weather finally warming up and the sunset creating a golden sky.


“Can we get a dog?”

Ian laughed and nodded, grabbing his hand. He blushed slightly.

“Something calm though. Really calm.” Anthony said, turning back to the house. Ian followed, still holding hands.

“Maybe one of those really tiny poodles.” Ian suggested with a smile, and Anthony groaned.

“Never. Like a lab or something. I don’t know. Any requests?” Anthony asked, stopping in the doorway.

“Just one.” Ian leaned forward, fighting a smile, and kissed him softly. He took a step closer and Anthony pulled him in by the hips, arms encircling his back. They leaned against the doorway together, skin glowing from the sun.

Ian pulled away, and they took deep breaths. Anthony smiled. “Nice request. After a kiss like that, you might even sway me to get that poodle.”

“Really?” He asked, the pair still pressed against each other. “Only if you really want it. As long as we’re a family.”

“I love you.” Anthony said, and they kissed again.


Of course everyone saw the relationship coming, even them, and there wasn’t a lot of surprise from their friends, family, or fans, but people that came to their house were surprised by a few other things; a short list of chewed things tapped to their fridge, and a picture of Ian, Anthony, a yellow lab, and a miniature poodle.

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(Deleted comment)
i love big dogs too, mine kind of inspired this story (he really did tear out two bushes though, why do dogs do these things). thank youuuu!

I really really don't like dogs. We had dogs when I was growing up and I only bonded with one kind: two black Chows, both of which died way too soon. I've always been fond of Corgis, though. They seem intelligent and they're not too big.

Anyway...back on topic...I totally relate to Anthony in every way, so the ending was really really sweet. [= I thought it was going to end like Marley and Me there for a minute but I much prefer no animals die in the making of fanfic. :P

nooo i would not kill dogs in fanfic, that shit's way too depressing. i'm sorry about your two black chows though, but maybe one day you'll meet and love another dog. thank you for reading :))

Ermerged this fic made me sooooo happy <3
This made my day. You are still the most amazing writer for me :)

thank you so, so much, you're too kind :)

September Monthly ReCap!

User mutual_death referenced to your post from September Monthly ReCap! saying: [...] that out so I can get rid of it. [= September 2013 ReCap: Fluff: Author: Title: Dog-Sitting [...]

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